Building Emotional Health

Now is the Right Time!

Emotional health begins long before an infant can say, “I’m sad,” or “I’m frustrated.” For infants and very young children, their first emotional experiences happen through the way you respond to their cues. As your infant grows, their emotional cues may shift, from cries and coos to words and stomps, but your calm presence remains just as important.

When you consistently offer warmth, comfort, and gentle guidance, you are building your infant’s ability to manage their feelings, connect with others, and develop a strong sense of emotional well-being.

Small moments like soothing your infant when they’re fussy, naming emotions, or modeling calmness are powerful ways to build your infant’s emotional health.

Five Steps for Building Emotional Health

This five-step process helps you and your infant build emotional health. It also teaches your infant important, critical life skills. The same process can be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process).

Step 1: Getting to Know and Understand your Infant’s Input

Keep in mind that even without words, your infant is constantly expressing emotions through sounds, movement, and facial expressions. By tuning in to these cues, you can help your infant feel seen and understood. This is a key part of building emotional health.

Notice their emotional cues. Observe how your infant expresses emotions like frustration, excitement, or overwhelm through facial expressions, cries, or body language.

Match their energy. If your infant is giggling and wiggling with excitement, match that energy with a joyful tone. If they’re fussy and unsettled, offer calm words and slow movements.

Name their feelings. Even if your infant doesn’t understand the words yet, hearing you describe emotions helps build early emotional awareness. For example:

• “You are feeling sad right now, I’m here.”
• “You are so excited about your toy!”

Step 2: Teach New Skills

Infants learn about emotions by watching you. Your calm presence teaches your infant how to manage their feelings.

Use “Emotion Coaching” language. Narrate what’s happening with gentle, calm words:

• “I know you are feeling frustrated. I’m right here.”
• “That loud sound startled you. Let’s take a breath together.”

Model emotional expression. Show your infant healthy ways to express emotions:

• If you are feeling frustrated, you might say: “I’m feeling tired, so I’m going to take a deep breath before we keep playing.”
• If you are happy, you could say: “I’m feeling so happy spending time with you!”

Practice soothing techniques. Infants need your help learning to manage big feelings. Try:

• Softly singing or humming
• Rocking or swaying with your infant
• Speaking in a calm, reassuring tone

Step 3: Practice to Grow Skills and Develop Habits

Practicing emotional skills doesn’t require extra time. It is about adding small habits to your everyday routine.

Build calming routines. Create short, predictable routines that calm your infant during moments of stress:

• Whispering quietly during diaper changes
• Singing the same song before naps
• Counting to five slowly when your infant is fussy

Use play to explore emotions. Through play, like peekaboo or pretending to be animals, your infant can explore joy, surprise, and even fear in safe ways.

Practice “Pause and Respond.” When your infant cries, pause for a moment to gather yourself before responding. This brief pause helps you to respond intentionally rather than reacting automatically.

Celebrate positive emotions too. Emotional health isn’t just about handling tough feelings; it is also about celebrating joy. When your infant laughs, smiles, or shows excitement, reflect that emotion back to them:

• “You are feeling so happy, what a big smile!”
• “That toy is making you giggle. I love seeing you so joyful!”

Step 4: Support Your Infant’s Development and Success

Infants and very young children can’t manage emotions on their own yet. They rely on you to help them feel calm and safe. By offering comfort consistently, you are teaching your infant that big emotions are manageable.

Soothe with warmth. When your infant cries or becomes overwhelmed, try:

• Holding them close
• Speaking in a calm, soft tone
• Rocking them gently to help their nervous system reset

Model compassion. Your infant learns from how you treat yourself, too. When you are feeling overwhelmed, model self-kindness by saying aloud:

• “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a breath.”
• “This is hard, but I’m doing my best.”

Allow your infant time to calm. Sometimes your infant may continue fussing even when you are comforting them, and that’s okay. Your presence is what helps them feel safe.

Step 5: Recognize Efforts

Building emotional health happens gradually, and every small step counts. Recognizing your infant’s growing ability to feel calm and connected reinforces these essential skills.

Notice moments of calm. Each time your infant settles after crying, pauses to look at you for reassurance, or calms in your arms, they’re showing signs of developing emotional health.

Celebrate your own growth, too. Recognizing when you respond with calmness, patience, or self-kindness is just as important.

Use positive words to reflect your progress. Try saying:

• “I stayed calm when my infant was crying. I’m proud of myself for that.”
• “That was a tough moment, but I handled it with patience.”

Closing

Your infant’s emotional health grows with you. By modeling calm responses, offering comfort, and practicing small moments of connection, you are laying the foundation for your infant’s lifelong emotional well-being. You are your infant’s safe place. Every warm word and calm breath helps build their emotional world, and yours. Each time you respond with warmth and patience, even when things feel hard, you are building a secure, emotionally healthy relationship that will last a lifetime.