Navigating Mental Health and Developing Resilience for Your 14-Year-Old

Now Is the Right Time!

Mental health is vital to well-being, especially during the middle school years when teens are developing emotionally and facing new social and academic challenges. Just like physical health, mental health needs attention and support. At this age, fourteen-year-olds benefit from learning skills to help them manage emotions and build resilience.

Children/teens aged 11-14 are going through many transitions: new friendships, more responsibilities at school, and figuring out who they are. These experiences can sometimes feel overwhelming. With your guidance, they can learn to understand and care for their mental health.

Some may face added difficulties, like family changes, social pressures, or personal struggles. In these cases, consider seeking additional support. But the steps here will help build everyday skills for mental well-being and resilience.

Why Mental Health?

Whether it’s feeling nervous about a group project, worried about fitting in, or struggling with self-esteem, mental health matters. In the short term, focusing on mental health can help your child/teen:

• feel more capable of managing their emotions and reactions
• strengthen relationships by learning empathy and good communication
• develop greater self-awareness and control over their reactions

In the long term, they can develop:

• emotional awareness and ways to express their feelings healthily
• resilience in handling challenges
• effective coping strategies for stress, worry, and other emotions

Five Steps for Mental Health

Here’s a five-step process to support mental health, build resilience, and nurture lifelong skills.

Encourage your child/teen to talk about their mental health. Asking open-ended questions lets them reflect on their feelings and understand themselves better.

Questions to Ask:

• “What’s been on your mind lately?”
• “What’s something that happened today that made you feel proud, nervous, or frustrated?”
• “If you could describe a time when you felt worried or upset this week, what would it be?”

Active Listening: Show understanding by restating what they say, e.g., “So, it sounds like group projects make you nervous because everyone’s counting on each other. Is that how you feel?”

Help your child/teen learn to recognize and manage emotions by modeling different techniques. Introduce these skills in a way they can relate to:

• Naming the Emotion: Teach them to label feelings, like “I’m feeling disappointed” or “I’m feeling left out.”
• Sitting with the Feeling: Explain that sometimes, feelings just need to be felt, like when they’re sad about a friend issue. Tell them it’s okay to feel that way.
• Getting Perspective: Explain that emotions are signals, not facts. Say things like, “When you’re really mad, it feels huge, but it’s just one part of the whole situation. What else is going on?”
• Shifting the Emotion: Teach them calming actions like drawing, walking, or taking deep breaths to help shift how they feel.

Actions to Practice:

• Model by naming your feelings, like “I’m feeling a bit stressed with work, so I’m going to take a few minutes to relax.”
• Teach calming techniques, such as counting to ten, listening to music, or visualizing a calm place.
• Help them gain perspective by saying, “If a friend felt this way, what advice would you give them?”

Actions:

• Start a routine where you check in on each other’s day, e.g., “What was something challenging today?” or “What was a fun part of your day?”
• Reflect on their emotions and how they changed, like, “You seemed nervous before that math test. How do you feel now that it’s over?”
• Recognize when they try new skills, e.g., “I noticed you took a few breaths when you were frustrated about your homework. That’s a great way to handle it.”

Keep offering support as they work on these skills. Check in regularly and remind them they’re not alone in learning to handle tough feelings.

Actions:

• Give gentle reminders, like “Remember, you can take a break if things feel overwhelming.”
• Check in on tough days by asking, “How are things going? Is anything feeling extra stressful?”
• If they seem stuck, try asking, “What else could we do to make this a bit easier?”

No matter how old your child/teen is, your positive reinforcement and encouragement have a significant impact.

If your child/teen is working to grow their skills – even in small ways – it will be worthwhile to recognize it. Your recognition can go a long way in promoting positive behaviors and expanding your child’s/teen’s confidence. Your recognition also promotes safe, secure, and nurturing relationships — a foundation for strong communication and a healthy relationship with you as they grow.

There are many ways to reinforce your child’s/teen’s efforts. It is essential to distinguish between three types of reinforcement: recognition, rewards, and bribes. These three distinct parenting behaviors have different impacts on your child’s/teen’s behavior.

Recognition occurs after you observe the desired behavior in your child/teen. Noticing and naming the specific behavior you want to reinforce is key to promoting more of it. For example, “I’m really proud of how you sat with your frustration earlier rather than avoiding it!”  Recognition can include nonverbal acknowledgment, such as a smile or hug.

Rewards can be helpful in certain situations by providing a concrete, timely, and positive incentive for doing a good job.  A reward is determined beforehand so the child/teen knows what to expect. It stops any negotiations in the heat of the moment.  A reward could be used to teach positive behavior or break a bad habit. The goal should be to help your child/teen progress to a time when the reward will no longer be needed. Rewards can decrease a child’s/teen’s internal motivation if used too often.

Unlike a reward, bribes aren’t planned ahead of time and generally happen when a parent or someone in a parenting role is in the middle of a crisis. While bribes can be helpful in the short term to manage stressful situations, they will not grow lasting motivation or behavior change and should be avoided.

Actions:

• Point out specific successes, like, “I’m so impressed that you stayed calm when your friend canceled plans. That was a great example of handling disappointment.”
• Create small rewards for practicing mental health strategies, like spending time together doing something they enjoy.
• Give specific praise, saying, “It was really brave of you to talk about your worries instead of holding them inside.”

Closing

Supporting mental health and building resilience is an ongoing journey. By following these steps, you’re helping your child/teen manage their emotions now and gain tools they’ll use in the future. Building mental health skills encourages resilience and self-awareness, preparing children/teens for life’s challenges.