Building Connection for Your 3-Year-Old

Now is the Right Time!

Your child’s early years are a time of tremendous growth, and one of the most important foundations you can build is connection. By creating small, consistent moments of bonding, you’re building your child’s sense of security and trust, key ingredients for healthy attachment and emotional well-being.

Connection is built through everyday interactions, from feeding and diaper changes to playtime and soothing moments. These small yet powerful moments help your child feel loved, safe, and cared for.

Five Steps for Building Connection with Your Child

This five-step process helps you and your child build connection. It also teaches your child important, critical life skills. The same process can be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process).

Step 1: Get Your Child Thinking by Getting Their Input

Your child is constantly communicating through facial expressions, body language, sounds, and words. By tuning in to their cues, you’re laying the groundwork for lifelong communication skills.

Notice their signals. Young children might show you what they need through eye contact, sounds, and movement. Pay attention to when they seem calm, excited, or overwhelmed.

Ask simple questions. Your voice and tone help your child feel included and connected. Try asking:

• “Are you ready to play?”
• “Do you want to see what’s outside?”
• “Are you feeling sleepy?”

Pause and wait. After you ask a question or speak, pause and give your child time to respond. This teaches your child the rhythm of conversation.

Step 2: Teach New Skills

Children learn connection through repetition, routine, and warmth. Every interaction, feeding, diaper change, or playtime is an opportunity to strengthen your bond.

Create predictable routines. Children thrive on predictability. Try using the same words and gestures during key routines. For example:

• During bath time, say, “I’m here, you’re safe, let’s get you clean and dry again.”
• Before naps, sing a familiar lullaby or whisper soothing words.

Use touch as a teaching tool. Gentle touch, like cuddling, rocking, or softly stroking their back, helps your child feel secure.

Name their feelings. Even at this early age, say things like:

• “You’re feeling upset right now. I’m here.”
• “I see you’re excited, look at that big smile!”

Mirror their emotions. When your child smiles, smile back. If they’re upset, offer a calm expression and soothing words like “I know, sweetie. I’m right here.” This helps your child feel seen and understood.

Step 3: Practice to Grow Skills and Develop Habits

Practicing moments of connection doesn’t require extra time, it’s about making small, intentional moments part of your daily routine.

Practice “serve and return.” When your child “serves” you a signal, a smile or a reaching hand, “return” it with a warm response. For example:

• If your child tries to tell you something, respond with a joyful tone: “Oh yes! Tell me more!”
• If your child turns their head away, respect their need for space.

Young children may “serve” through words or actions, like bringing you a toy. “Returning” can mean noticing and engaging with their curiosity.

Build playful rituals. Simple games like pat-a-cake, or singing together are powerful ways to build connection. Play, even simple games like pretend cooking or building blocks, helps children feel connected and understood. Join in by following their lead and naming what they’re doing.

Practice calm connection. Snuggling quietly, humming while rocking, or gently stroking your child’s hand while sitting together are meaningful moments of bonding.

Step 4: Support Your Child’s Development and Success

Young children are still learning how to manage their emotions. By responding to their cues with warmth and calmness, you’re modeling the kind of secure connection they’ll carry forward.

Soothe with presence. Sometimes your child will cry no matter what you try. In these moments, staying calm and steady, even if you don’t know how to “fix” the crying, helps your child learn that you are a safe, dependable presence.

Recognize “overload.” If your child becomes overstimulated, create a calm environment:

• Lower your voice.
• Reduce background noise.
• Hold them quietly to help them reset.

Be patient with yourself. Building connection is about showing up consistently, not being perfect. Even when things feel frustrating, your presence is what matters most. If you miss a cue or feel disconnected, it’s never too late to reconnect. Saying, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t understand, I’m here now,’ teaches your child that relationships can be repaired.

Step 5: Recognize Efforts

Every small moment of bonding, from a shared smile to a quiet cuddle, is a powerful success. Celebrating these moments strengthens your confidence as a parent, or someone in a parenting role, and helps you recognize the ways your child is already connecting with you.

Notice and name the moments you connect.

• “I love how you smile when I sing that song!”
• “You feel so calm when we rock together. I love these quiet moments.”

Celebrate your child’s growing trust. When your child looks to you for comfort, smiles in response to your voice, or relaxes in your arms, they’re showing you that they feel connected and secure.

Closing

Developing connection is the foundation of attachment and resilience. Your child’s first relationships lay the groundwork for their lifelong emotional health. By consistently showing warmth, responding to their cues, and making time for small moments of connection, you’re building a secure foundation of trust and love that will last a lifetime.