Building Connection

Now is the Right Time!

Your infant’s early years are a time of incredible growth, and one of the most important foundations you can build is connection. By creating small, consistent moments of bonding, you’re strengthening your infant’s sense of security and trust, key ingredients for healthy attachment and emotional well-being.

Connection is built through everyday interactions, from feeding and diaper changes to playtime and soothing moments. These small yet powerful moments help your infant feel loved, safe, and cared for.

Five Steps for Building Connection

This five-step process helps you and your infant build connection. It also teaches your infant important, critical life skills. The same process can be used to address other parenting issues (learn more about the process).

Step 1: Getting to Know and Understand your Infant’s Input

Even though your infant can’t yet speak, they are constantly communicating through facial expressions, body language, and sounds. By tuning in to their cues, you’re laying the groundwork for lifelong communication skills.

Notice their signals. Infants might show you what they need through eye contact, sounds, and movement. Pay attention to when they seem calm, excited, or overwhelmed.

Ask simple questions. Even though they can’t answer yet, your voice and tone help your infant feel included and connected. Try asking:

• “Are you ready to play?”
• “Do you want to see what’s outside?”
• “Are you feeling sleepy?”

This might look like following what they are looking at or what seems interesting to them. For example, when your infant is looking at the dog, you can respond, ‘Oh, you see the doggie! Yes, it’s a big doggie!’

Pause and wait. After you ask a question or speak, pause and give your infant time to respond with a coo, smile, or movement. This teaches your infant the rhythm of conversation.

Step 2: Teach New Skills

Infants learn connection through repetition, routine, and warmth. Every interaction, feeding, diaper changes, or playtime is an opportunity to strengthen your bond.

Create predictable routines. Infants thrive on predictability. Try using the same words and gestures during key routines. For example:

• During diaper changes, say, “I’m here, you’re safe, let’s get you cozy again.”
• Before naps, sing a familiar lullaby or whisper soothing words.

Use touch as a teaching tool. Gentle touch, like cuddling, rocking, or softly stroking their back, helps your infant feel secure.

Name their feelings. Even at this early age, saying things like:

• “You’re feeling fussy right now. I’m here.”
• “I see you’re excited, look at that big smile!” helps your baby begin connecting emotions with words.

Mirror their emotions. When your infant smiles, smile back. If they’re upset, offer a calm expression and soothing words like “I know, sweetie. I’m right here.” This helps your infant feel seen and understood.

Step 3: Practice to Grow Skills and Develop Habits

Practicing moments of connection doesn’t require extra time, it’s about making small, intentional moments part of your daily routine.

Practice “serve and return.” When your infant “serves” you a signal, a smile, coo, or reaching hand, “return” it with a warm response. For example:

• If your infant babbles, respond with a joyful tone: “Oh yes! Tell me more!”
• If your infant turns their head away, respect their need for space.

Build playful rituals. Simple games like peek-a-boo are a powerful way to build connection and help infants feel connected and understood.

Practice calm connection. Snuggling quietly, humming while rocking, or gently stroking your infant’s hand during feeding are meaningful moments of bonding.

Step 4: Support Your Infant’s Development and Success

Infants are still learning how to manage their emotions. By responding to their cues with warmth and calmness, you’re modeling the kind of secure connection they’ll carry forward.

Soothe with presence. Sometimes your infant will cry no matter what you try. In these moments, staying calm and steady, even if you don’t know how to “fix” the crying, helps your infant learn that you are a safe, dependable presence.

Recognize “overload.” If your infant becomes overstimulated (fussy, turning away, or crying), create a calm environment:

• Lower your voice.
• Reduce background noise.
• Hold them quietly to help them reset.

Be patient with yourself. Building connection is about showing up consistently, not being perfect. Even when things feel frustrating, your presence is what matters most. If you miss a cue or feel disconnected, it’s never too late to reconnect. Saying, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t understand, I’m here now,’ teaches your infant that relationships can be repaired.

Step 5: Recognize Efforts

Every small moment of bonding, from a shared smile to a quiet cuddle, is a powerful success. Celebrating these moments strengthens your confidence as a parent, or someone in a parenting role, and helps you recognize the ways your infant is already connecting with you.

Notice and name the moments you connect.

• “I love how you smile when I sing that song!”
• “You feel so calm when we rock together. I love these quiet moments.”

Celebrate your infant’s growing trust. When your infant looks to you for comfort, smiles in response to your voice, or relaxes in your arms, they’re showing you that they feel connected and secure.

Closing

Developing connection is the foundation of attachment and resilience. Your infant’s first relationships lay the groundwork for their lifelong emotional health. By consistently showing warmth, responding to their cues, and making time for small moments of connection, you’re building a secure foundation of trust and love that will last a lifetime.